Robert James May Poetry

I'm sorry I couldn't save you, child. My thoughts of you run fast sometimes And in those times, I weep to the angels, child. I fear my punishment and accept same time, And for a time, it ran my behavior, child. I can't break free or run from your eyes And I don't deserve peace or a savior, child. A love that never reached existence, despite my  persistence to pursue your face, hands, and smile Despite my pleas that fell on determined ears And I stand, sad and branded in my psyche, now. Not likely to reach peaceful years and all the while  I picture possible toes and ears  And fast come the tears.

  I can feel the life in my veins. Still it rains but I care not. I've forgotten my grudges and live with shame of my past. Still I last in the pouring madness. Sadness masked by rage that casts hatred on my mind's feed. I bleed tears but stay lucid See fears but stay present as I allow life's fluid to burn hot. I can hear his whispers in my ears. Still it rains and I care not.

My heart hurts for reasons I can't explain. I see the world like no one sees it  And it all seems strange that the earth is exploding with rage, hate, and pain,  yet the loudest seek themselves.  The powerful are out for selfish gains and I dream dreams of the past with its shame  and haunts.  Jaunts to the dangerous with aims of operating on the edge of the Morning Star's domain.  Heroic atrocities and calculated obliteration.  Planning plans to maim and break those we saw as wicked. Or were told to by the game and the images, feeds, and comms.  The screaming mothers with bloody seed and it came to us or them.  I see the world as no one sees it.  I see it in shame.

I still remember your face in the falling light. Forbidden nights to extinguish our pain. Or maybe my pain, you made your plight That night we danced in the falling rain Or in your room to hushed songs, feeling right when it's wrong and happy when it's shame. I won't hear you say my name like you had When you whispered in my ear of love to loss, And the one we’d lose in playing this game And I cried real, broken tears of tainted joy, In anguish to losing you to reality again. Cursed to suffer without you in my life And the joy of having seen your eyes in the failing light. I still remember.

The thought of you excites me, Breaking my thought trains, The happiness you give me Tugs and pulls at my heart strings. I love you More than I thought could be Or at the very least More than I thought could come from me. You are my everything, My all, my lifespring, My beginning and my ending, With every fiber of my being, I love you. If I were to lose you for any reason, Or fault of my own, or just the season, The mark you left when you eased in, The love and morality in to my reason Will stay with me for the rest of my life During pain or happiness it will be my light, My guide to who I should and want to fight To be.   If I lose you and you lose me.   I will love you forever, eternally.

I need to find me to see what's behind me, I need to see myself before I see the what's coming, I need to know who I was before I see who I can be, I need to know where I started before I see to where I'm running, Another year has passed and now I'm to celebrate my birth, First, I need to see what's transpired since I came to this earth, What I see gone disappoints me to a great extent, What I see in store scares me to the core of my being and self, The people I've lost, the things I've done, people that came and went, All in the past now, I've barely made it to stack another year on the shelf, Lord, help me be a better me and help me do the things I need to, So I can celebrate in clear conscience next year, if you haven't taken me to meet you.